Pain
by TamaraJagellovsk
Summary: The captain is in pain.
1. Ianto

**Rated T because it's only talk.**

Ianto stood behind his captain seated at his desk and put his hands on Jack's shoulders. He didn't have to see Jack's face to know it was bad. He leaned in a little and asked softly:

"What do you need, Jack?"

The captain turned.

"Go home Ianto. I'm bad company tonight."

"I don't _want_ to go home."

Ianto squatted down.

"I want to be here with you. Whatever it is that's causing you pain - bury it in me."

The captain's gut clenched. Arousal, need, and something a lot darker and more dangerous started to rise inside him.

"You're not up to that."

"Wouldn't be the first time, would it?"

"Yes it would. I've never before fucked you until you passed out from pain."

Ianto swallowed hard, briefly closing his eyes and then lifting them to the Captain's again.

"OK", he breathed, trying not to let on exactly how terrified he was. "If that's what you need to find release tonight, then use me."

Jack closed his eyes and let out a breath, his head dropping.

"Go home, Ianto. This isn't what I want. You're not what I want."

It cut right through Ianto's heart, but he didn't move a muscle.

"I won't leave, no matter what you say to me." No matter how much it hurt.

"Get used to it, Ianto, there's nothing you can do for me. Get out of here." While you can.

"Please Jack. Let me try. Give me a chance to please you."

"Get. Out. And don't come in tomorrow. I don't wanna see you."

"But..."

Jack moved way too fast for Ianto to react. The next thing he knew was that his back hit the wall. Hard. It knocked the air from his lungs.

"You're nowhere near what I need. You can't please me, no matter how hard you let me fuck you. So get out or I swear I'll beat the crap out of you before _throwing_ you out."

The captain made sure Ianto had really left before he collapsed back into his chair. He told himself it had been necessary, the only way to make Ianto leave, but still it had been cruel. The alternative would have been worse though. He could still feel the tension build up, knowing it would eventually lead to him causing pain and destruction. Not to Ianto though.

His fist hit the wall. The blazing pain racing through his arm and shoulder felt right. Like release. Like salvation. The blood from his split knuckles ran warm down his wrist and dripped to his office floor.

He hit the wall again. And again. Doing new damage faster than his body could heal. The physical pain began, finally, blissfully, to mask the emotional agony he'd been in since the Doctor had told him to stay away from him. For all of eternity.

TBC


	2. John

**Please take note of the change in rating - up to M because now it's not just talk. We have ebineez01 to thank for this chapter - originally chapter 1 was a one shot, but then she suggested a possible way out of Jack's pain. And since I just *love* John, here he is. Mentioning Australia is my way to thank you, ebi. So is the style of this. Would never have happened if it wasn't for the stuff you write. Love. t.**

"Jack!"

"John."

They looked at each other for another beat, and then Jack moved in. Grabbing John's head he kissed him fiercely, forcing him back into the house and against the first wall he could find. They fought for dominance all through that first kiss, and it ended when John got the upper hand and swung them around, slamming Jack into the wall this time. Pinning him there he panted:

"Nice to see you too."

Jack let his head fall back against the wall.

"Sydney? Really?"

John drew back a little.

"What?! I like the city. I happen to like this planet! But what brings _you_ here?"

Jack kept his eyes on his ex partners' while he reached for John's belt.

"You."

John sagged against him.

"Not losing any time are you?"

"Are you complaining?"

John grinned.

"Nope."

"Good. So shut up."

So there wasn't any talk between them as Jack made quick work of John's pants, pushing his own out of the way and spinning John around.

"Down."

John dropped to his hands and knees. A moment later he felt Jack's iron grip on the back of his neck, and another moment later he was entered. Forcefully.

"Argh, good Lord, Jack!"

"What, now you _are_ complaining?"

"Fuck you, Harkness. Just rein it in a little, will you?"

"No, I won't. Deal with it", Jack growled as he pulled out and thrust back in, setting a furious pace. He simply kept thrusting into the only person in the universe he could do this to, not caring about John's pain, forgetting for a brief moment about his own. John ground his teeth trying to cope, but he felt dizzy and sick and he could tell he wouldn't stand it for long. His eyes were squeezed shut and he was fighting the tears. He cried out despite his best effort not to – and that was what sent Jack over the edge. John collapsed under him, tears on his face now and his whole body shaking, and he knew he'd never been this grateful for another person's release.

Jack pulled out and moved away from John, dropping onto his back on the floor. John lay with his back to him, his face hidden in his arms. Jack felt like the worst scum that had ever come through the rift, and still he felt relief. Which only served to increase his guilt. He ran his hands through his hair. What was he supposed to say? I'm sorry? He was, but John would probably explode into his face. Jack propped himself up to look at him. Shallow breathing, sweat covered skin. Oh God, this was so wrong. He gently touched his shoulder.

"John?"

"Just...a moment. I just need...a moment."

Jack really didn't know what to do. The thought that at least John was conscious briefly crossed his mind. He didn't see it coming when John's fist connected with his face. Shaking his head in an attempt to clear it he looked at him, a familiar pain telling him his cheek bone had given way.

"You motherfucking self absorbed bastard", John was hissing at him, lower lip bloody – no doubt from his own teeth – and cradling his left hand with his right. Jack could already feel his cracked bones set themselves, the pain shifting from his cheek to his temple. He'd have that headache for a while. He reached out for John's face, wiping the blood from the other man's lip with his thumb as carefully as he could, but still John flinched at the contact. Jack leaned in, completely aware of the fact that John would probably either head butt or bite him or both. He stilled millimeters from John's mouth. When nothing happened he closed the distance. A mere brushing of his lips against John's, caressing the spot where the soft skin had been torn. John's eyes closed.

"I hate you, Jack Harkness."

"I know."

Jack kissed him a little harder, but still trying to avoid causing him too much pain.

"I'm going to bed. Join me or not. Don't care."

Jack sat on the floor looking at the bed room door after it had closed. What the hell was he doing. He closed his eyes. He should go. Get out and leave John alone. Taking his own pain and frustration out on the other time agent had helped – for like two seconds. Now he felt worse than ever, and he realized he _wanted_ to be on the other side of that door. Talk about self absorbed. He got up and opened the door, leaning against the door frame.

"You want me here?"

"Like I said. Couldn't care less."

Why on earth did that hurt? Because Jack cared. He _wanted_ to be there. He wanted John in his arms. He knew he should turn and run, but instead he pushed off the door frame and closed the door behind himself.

~o0o~

Jack woke with a start. He'd never meant to fall asleep in the first place. Hell he hadn't even intended to be still there. He turned and found John looking at him, expression unreadable. Jack still didn't know what to say. And John leaning in and placing a kiss on his chest didn't help with that problem. Nor did John's skilled mouth traveling south. Jack closed his eyes. It was so easy to imagine it was someone else...the Doctor's hands on his body, _his_ mouth on his skin. Jack turned onto is side, hoping so badly John would accept the offer, feeling guilty again for what he had done. He'd used John the night before, and he was about to do it again, albeit differently. A strong skilled hand trailing down his side and between his cheeks. He couldn't help his muscles tensing as he thought back to last night. John snorted out a laugh.

"Don't worry. I'm not as broken as you are, Jack."

John's hand was gone and then back, slick with whatever he'd chosen to use, and Jack relaxed and pushed back against that hand, taking him, caressing him.

"You want me inside you?"

"Yes, John. Please!"

When he felt John's cock stretch his hole he almost wished for pain, because this was too good, too intimate. He so didn't deserve this. He felt John's hand grip his hip, holding him in place as he buried himself in Jack. And all the time he felt John move inside him, so familiar and so good, he kept thinking of the Doctor.

~o0o~

"So who is it?"

Jack opened his eyes.

"Excuse me?"

"You barely said two words and I could tell you weren't really here with me. Well I'm not complaining since clearly your best part _was_ here, but still..."

"I needed you because you're the only one who knows me. The only one who can take it."

"So I'm right. I served a purpose."

"And magnificently so."

John rolled his eyes.

"Glad I could help. So you _were_ thinking of someone else."

"I didn't actually do too much thinking at all."

They both knew it wasn't true, but John knew better than to keep pushing. How many times had he been thinking of Jack while being with someone else... So in the grand scheme of things – it was probably only fair.

TBC


	3. Ianto 2

Ianto was staring at the dark stain on Jack's office floor. Blood. Most probably blood.

"Owen?"

The medic turned up in the door a moment later.

"What?"

"Can you check the DNA please?"

Owen followed Ianto's gaze.

"Oh. OK, sure."

Ianto followed him on his heels. He knew Owen hated it when someone was looking over his shoulder, but surprisingly he didn't even snort. He just got to work, checking the sample against the most obvious candidate. Match.

"It's Jack's."

Ianto thought back to that very scary moment in Jack's office. That stain hadn't been there. Jack had left the hub less than an hour after he had. What had happened in that hour? He set to work getting the stain out of the floor, his mind fixed on Jack's strange behavior that night. He'd scared the hell out of him...

"By all means - stay put!"

Ianto closed his eyes. Relief, insecurity, panic rushing through him. He fought to get himself under control before getting to his feet.

"Didn't I tell you to stay put?"

Jack's voice was soft and he was smiling, but Ianto just didn't know what to do with himself. Just like when Jack had come back from the dead. And just like back then Jack pulled him close and kissed him.

"Please forgive me."

"For what exactly?"

He needed to hear him say it - balm to the wounds Jack had inflicted on him.

"For what I said to you. It's not true that I don't want you."

"You said I wasn't what you wanted. And in that moment that was very true, wasn't it?"

"I can't say I didn't mean to hurt you, because I did. But I'm sorry I had to do it."

"You _had_ to?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"To protect you."

"You broke my heart to _protect_ me? Sorry but that's a little hard to believe."

"Still it's true."

"So what were you protecting me from?"

Jack moved around his desk and brought up the video footage of that night. Turning the screen towards Ianto he said:

"This."

Ianto's eyes went wide. He covered his mouth with his hand and after a few moments he turned away from the screen.

"Stop it. Please."

There was silence. Ianto stood close to Jack, looking at him, waiting. When Jack finally took the last step towards him Ianto pulled him close and held him until he felt him relax. A little at least. He let go and gently touched his face.

"Talk to me. What happened to you?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Yes I do. I love you. It kills me to see you like this, so please. Talk to me."

Ianto could see the struggle, and the moment Jack gave in. His shoulders sagged.

"It's the Doctor. A few days ago he was here, in Cardiff. I was – God it felt great to see him. But he wouldn't – he said he just stopped by to tell me."

"What? Tell you what?"

"That we were done. He said he didn't want me anywhere near him ever again."

Ianto didn't know what to say to that. Jack smiled, but it was cold and bitter.

"I guess that's good for _you._ With him out of the picture."

Ianto couldn't believe it. He turned away wide eyed and open mouthed, only to whip back a moment later.

"You really think that's how my mind works? You really think I'm _happy_ about this? You think I can't imagine what you're feeling like?"

For a long moment neither of them said anything. It was Ianto who finally did.

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"What, he tells you to stay away and you just do as you're told? Since when?"

"It's the Doctor, Ianto."

"But why would he say that?"

"He said it before. That I was...wrong. Shouldn't exist. That he could...hardly look at me. Maybe he just decided to get it over with. Once and for all. Remove me from his reality."

"But you love him."

Ianto could hardly bear the pain on Jack's face, and he was almost sure he wouldn't get an answer. But he did. Low and spent.

"Yes. Yes I do. He's the only one I thought I couldn't lose."

Ianto straightened.

"Then get to the bottom of this."


	4. The Doctor

Jack thought he'd lost it when he heard the familiar noises of the Tardis and a moment later the Doctor sauntered into his office and gave him a wide grin.

"I thought you'd be happier to see me."

Jack couldn't believe it. He was staring at the Doctor unable to say anything. He'd thought he'd never see him again. He'd hurt both Ianto and John trying to deal with that. And now he just stopped by? Just like that?

"What's up with you?"

"You told me to get lost."

"What? When?"

"You were standing right here in my office telling me to get out of your life."

"I haven't a clue what you're talking about."

Jack clenched his teeth.

"Don't fuck with me."

"Jack, I've never been in your office before."

He turned around taking it in.

"It's nice. Could use a little paint though."

Jack followed his gaze. Right. The spot on the wall where he'd hit it...he forced himself back to the present.

"Wait a minute. Why can't you remember?"

"Remember what?"

"This."

Jack showed him the footage of their conversation. The Doctor shook his head.

"That's not me."

"Sure looks like you!?"

The Doctor was silent for a moment. Could it be...?

"Tell me Jack, was he a time lord? I know you can sense these things. Was he?"

"What do you mean a time lord? You're the last one."

The Doctor just kept looking at him. Jack shook his head.

"No! He's dead. He died in your arms!"

He didn't like the sound of that. "He died refusing to regenerate!"

"There were rumors of a cult trying to bring him back. What if it's true, what if they succeeded?"

"But how did he do it?"

"He might have gotten my personal imprint when I held him... Assuming he found some sort of mimic device all he had to do was feed that imprint into the device and voila. He's good."

"But why would he come here?"

The Doctor sat down in Jack's chair. More to himself than to Jack he said:

"Probably some sort of personal project. Obviously he thinks you're worth torturing..."

"What?"

He looked at Jack with a small smile.

"He's jealous."

Jack went over and squatted down.

"Of what?"

The Doctor still looked him straight in the eye.

"Of you."

Jack's eyebrows rose. Very softly the Doctor went on:

"Of what you mean to me."

And just like that Jack was speechless again.

"We're connected, Jack. I can feel you. That's why I came: to find out what's wrong with you."

Jack's eyes closed and a smile started to spread on his face. Relief.

"I'm fine."

The Doctor's smile widened.

"Looks like now you are."

Jack opened his eyes and they looked at each other for a long moment. And then the Doctor jumped from Jack's chair.

"I have to go. I have a time lord to take care of."

TBC


	5. Ianto 3

**Thanks to ebineez01 again. I used an idea of hers, though she was probably going somewhere else with it :-)**

It felt wrong. And yet there was something utterly beautiful about the sight of Jack Harkness on his door step. Ianto couldn't believe his captain was actually there, at his flat. He'd probably had to check his personal file to get the address.

"Ianto?"

"Uh, sorry. This is – unexpected."

"I know. Are you OK with me being here?"

Ianto's gaze softened.

"Of course. Please come on in."

As soon as the door had closed behind them Jack looked at Ianto with an affectionate smile that warmed the Welshman's heart, and after a moment he pulled him into a deep, sweet, gentle kiss. Ianto kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, and then he gave his captain a soft smile.

"What was that for?"

"Because you're amazing, Ianto. You're so much stronger than most people think. You're taking this whole thing between me and the Doctor with so much grace, and I admire that."

Ianto's smile faltered a little.

"So what about you and the Doctor?"

"Resolved."

"That's good."

He took a breath.

"When are you leaving?"

Jack smiled, thinking back to the conversation he had had with the Doctor.

 _'I have to go. I have a time lord to take care of.'_

 _The Doctor had waited a beat, then a huge grin had broken out on his face as he'd leaned into Jack a little._

 _'Wanna come along?'_

 _It had been oh so tempting. But he had told him no._

 _'I have someone else to take care of.'_

He focused on Ianto again.

"I'm not leaving."

"Really?"

Ianto tried not to sound too excited - but failed. Jack smiled at him.

"Will you let me stay with you tonight? Please?"

"When did I ever say no to you?"

~o0o~

Deja vu. If it had been weird to see Jack at his place, having him in his bed was even weirder. The same bed that Ianto had spent more than one lonely night in, thinking of him. The man in question positioned himself on top of Ianto, holding his upper body above him on his forearms and looking him straight in the eye.

"What do you want me to do tonight?"

"I get to choose?"

"Yeah."

Jack moved in to nuzzle Ianto's neck, causing him to close his eyes and hum his pleasure. Eyes still closed he smiled.

"Might be tough for you."

"I figure you deserve a little effort."

"OK..."

"So?"

Jack pulled back to look at Ianto's face, eyebrows raised.

"I want you to focus on me and only me. No thinking of the Doctor or anyone else. Just me. I want all of you."

Jack smiled and kissed him, trailing along his jaw and neck, making him shiver.

"That's easy", he whispered against Ianto's throat. And it was.


End file.
